No small talk please, we're Norwegians

Never make small talk with Norwegians. They eye you with suspicion, talk in monosyllabic answers and quickly run for the nearest exit. This is my first advice to foreigners who have recently moved to Norway.

The other one is not to bother being polite. When you smile and say 'hei' or 'takk' to a shop assistant, he or she will often greet you with total silence. As a rule, the person won't even make eye contact with you. Unless that person is a Swede, in which case you're in safe, polite territory.

My first few months in Norway were tricky because of that: how do you engage with your neighbours or people at parties, if you can't do small talk?

Today, I do have Norwegian friends, but in general these are people who have lived abroad for many years. And they have to be nice to others to earn a living, since most of them are journalists.When my family comes over to visit and we go to a restaurant I have to explain that the waiter is not being rude, she is just being Norwegian. They look at me like I have been brainwashed.

But like all rules, there is always an exception. When put on skis, Norwegians suddenly turn into chatty Italians.

Last winter, I went skiing alone in Nordmarka. At a crossroads, I bumped into a man, out with his dog. I nodded to him and was about to push on, when he suddenly said: "Nice weather, isn't it?" I thought I was going to fall over.

Dizzy with shock, I answered: "Yes, it's a lovely day." And he carried on in this vein for five minutes. And even beamed a big smile when he said 'hadde'! Me, I was having heart attacks several times over.

Perhaps Norwegians should walk through life as if they were on skis.